just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
