i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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