I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
