I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
