just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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