This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
