So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
