I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
