the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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