every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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