she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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