he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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