i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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