shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
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