just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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