i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
