this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
