Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
