I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
