U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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