hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
