He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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