The best revenge is premature balding
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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