I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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