if you like me you must not know who I am
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
