Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize