Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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