she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
