i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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