i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
