i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize