lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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