If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
