he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
