but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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