I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Randomize
