Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize