dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
this hospital has no fireball
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
