Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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