The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
