Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
What a dumb baby whore.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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