That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
