I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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