lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
