No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
