he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
