i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
