i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
