ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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