Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
