U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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