So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize