Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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