I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
