I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
