Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
