u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
