You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize