I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
