My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
