I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
