i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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