i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
