I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
