That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
