I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
