her vagine was all disorganized.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
