just tell him i said nine months
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
