she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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