somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
