She is in my trunk
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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