just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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