at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize