I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Randomize
