i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
