So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
