Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
