we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
