Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
