Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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