I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Be still, my beating vagina.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
