My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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