It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
