i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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