omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize