dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
