Moan for me like Helen Keller
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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