so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
