: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
