what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
