he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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