What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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