; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
we have officially lost it.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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