Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
