Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
