if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
