so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
