youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
