Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
