It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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