it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i was born a porn star she said
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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