OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
