a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
