found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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