Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you had me at cake vodka
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
