you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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